Hell in a handbag or breakthrough?

What does change take? Courage? Commitment? Time? All of these may be true. Yet real change doesn’t always happen until all of the easier alternatives are blocked and the only way out is up. We change when we have had enough of the way things are.

I got into personal development first because I wanted to change me. The more I learnt, the more I could see the answers for people I was close to. Over time I stopped having real friends as my friends became more like clients. That was until I gave up my career in theatre and did this work full time. I did that, not because of a love of people, or needing them to love me, I did it out of annoyance. I was annoyed that we have such talents for art, music, dance, drama, fun, joy, looking after animals and being good to each other, and yet fear drove us to despicable acts. I wanted to be the antidote to fear. Long job, big ask, and I was well … terrified!

The thing you want to be an answer to is often the thing you struggle with most in your own life. So, wearing my squeaky bum pants on the outside of my trousers, I tried to be a super hero. I’m less of a super hero now. People don’t need to be saved, they need to be woken up to their potential and their own power and talents. That’s now what I use my intuition for.

If we are to impact global change we need a global wake-up call from fear to love. If 2016 was the year of many great people turning their light out, 2017 is the year of many ordinary people turning their light on. The easier alternatives are becoming visually blocked. We know we can’t stay the same, we need change for us and the planet and everything on it.

The shift of consciousness promised by spiritual types in 2012 did start then. It just took longer than expected to take real hold.

Self-love after a psychopath

When you’re in a relationship with someone who is abusive, everyone will tell you to leave them. You might feel hooked. It has highs and lows; one moment they are nice and promise to change and the next they are being cruel. Relationships are complex because people are complex, and I doubt any two combinations will ever be the same.

There is, however, one relationship that can be understood clearly when you are in an abusive relationship, and that’s the relationship you are having with yourself.

I know this, not just from my clients’, but also from my own past. The highlight, if that’s the right way of putting it, was that I dated a psychopath. It was a turning point in my relationship with myself. My experience fully verified all twenty points in Ron Johnson’s book ‘The Psychopath Test’. This guy was twisted and I found him fascinating. I wanted to understand how he ticked and maybe I thought I could change him. Once I finally saw the light, as the things he did to me got worse and worse, he wouldn’t leave me alone. Popping up every so often and making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. During a phone call he made, six months after I thought he’d got the message, something came out of my mouth I didn’t know I had inside me. I said, ‘It’s not you I hate, I’m over you. It’s just that whenever I hear your voice or see your name, it makes me hate myself’. He replied, ‘Well, I won’t contact you ever again then’. I was delighted. I responded, ‘Yes, that would be great, thank you’. He kept to his word, because it was always all about him, and when it became about me hurting me, that wasn’t any fun for him.

When someone is abusing you, you want to make sense of it in the hope you can make it change. Some people don’t deserve the effort of your time to understand them. The one person who does is you.

Turn your attention to why you’re abusing yourself. You are the only person you can change. Why are you abusing yourself by putting yourself in harm’s way?

I spent many years building a relationship with myself. I stopped hating myself for my past choices and forgave myself, putting it down to youth and inexperience. I made a solid commitment that I would never do that to myself again. No matter how intriguing the man, I won’t abuse myself for my own curiosity. I’d advise you to build a positive relationship with yourself.

You are all you have truly got.

What we're really doing when we're bitchin

Facebook is one of those places where people pour their heart out about who's wronged them. It's a venting space and, whether you agree with that or not, we are pack animals and we like to feel the justification of agreement from other people that our annoyance is right. We know deep inside that the only path to real healing is to get to the real truth. The thing is, people don't give you the real truth, because that kind of truth is scary and often leads the loving truth-teller to be rejected.

We all have fears - being rejected, not being seen, feelings of not being good enough. Most of us carry enough shame to sink a battleship. When our pain is triggered we want to understand, and 'get to the bottom of' the problem in order to have healing. As I said, we know that the path to healing is honesty. Yet the first thing we do when someone pushes those pain buttons is get angry.

When someone treads all over our deepest fears about ourselves we freak out, as the evidence from that person in the outside world indicates that it might just be true. We know when people stand on our insecurities because we react the most. If it wasn't an insecurity we wouldn't care. And, sometimes people do push our buttons when they see a reaction.

Like a dog wanting to bite the toy more when it squeaks. 

Every single person has the right not to like you. You're not entitled to have the world like you. We tend to think that if we have an area of pain, for example, abandonment issues, then people are not allowed to abandon us. So, when they do, we rant about it on Facebook as if we are entitled to slip along freely on the river of life and not hit a few rocks.

When people react, we try to find the thing inside of us to change, so we can heal and stop that pain happening again. We look for the truth. We know that there is no healing when there are lies, and so we look for the truth in ourselves to fix what we think is wrong with us. The thing is, it's impossible to make everyone like you, so by trying to fix yourself to fit in with everyone else you will just hurt yourself more.

Some people live as if they have a sense of superiority. It doesn't matter how perfect you make yourself. What you need to become good at is allowing them to be shit bags, knowing that they have every right not to like you and you have every right not to give a toss. But, you don't have the right to try to make them like you, and then get angry when they don't. 

The more we feel in pain, the more we think people must make accommodation for us and our pain. The only path to healing is to be deep down honest with ourselves. What we are really doing when we are bitching on facebook, is seeking healing. The only route to healing is to be honest, but we often want that honesty from other people. We want them to tell us, what is it about me that I need to change in order to be liked by you? There's no honesty there. They can’t be honest because they only have a perception of you. None of their opinions about you count. They only have their life experience to go on, not yours. Honesty is when you say, 'this triggers me, it sucks and I hate it, and I love myself anyway. I don't need to fix or change, I need to accept’. The people who receive love are the people who believe they deserve it. The people who have a fear of being abandoned alone and distant end up just like that. If you believe you deserve love and you can start by loving yourself first, you'll overcome your triggers much faster than trying to change.

The themes that run our life

Have you ever done that exercise, the one where someone asks you to look around the room and spot all the things of a certain colour? Such as, spot everything ‘red’ and then the person asks you what blue things you saw. It’s a cute little exercise to prove the point that we see what we want to see.

We see not only what we ‘want’ to see, but also what we expect to see. Sometimes it takes someone who isn’t you to spot some of the themes you may be running. I have some great friends who are into personal development. They spot themes for me and I spot themes for them and, of course, I do this using intuition with clients.

So what do I mean by ‘theme’? Themes are negative beliefs we hold onto that we unconsciously think to be true. Such as, I’m not loveable, I’m always left out, I’m too much, I’m not enough, you get the picture. Like the colour exercise, we can look at ourselves and how other people treat us with tinted glasses on, sometimes totally misunderstanding someone else’s intention. Talking things through with friends honestly, without tainting the story, can help us to see with a much greater perspective and learn something about ourselves.

Themes can be why we date the same kinds of people, or why we have patterns of events that play out in our lives - such as always getting bullied at work, or always being the person that supports the underdog, or always being the person who makes sure the birthday card is signed by everyone, but who never gets a card on their birthday.

Once you uncover a theme it changes everything. It almost becomes impossible to still run the theme. When you can catch yourself doing it, you can stop doing it. The important thing is to not beat yourself up about it. We must have compassion, as under every theme we are playing out, we are playing it, to heal it. Somehow we gravitate to repeating our history to change an incorrect perception about ourselves.

One of mine was ‘I’m not enough’. This showed up as being a workaholic. It also showed up in a secondary theme. If someone told me I wasn’t good enough I would step into the theme of ‘I’ll show you!’ So sometimes you can find the deeper theme when the lighter theme becomes obvious. I would hear criticism when there wasn’t any being given. That can make you defensive. Now I have healed that part of myself, I can’t be triggered by other people’s judgements in those areas of my life. I also find myself to have more boundaries and at the same time, I am more loving. Less to prove and much more to give. It’s freeing. Let’s face it, we only ever get upset when what someone says about us has a hint of truth to it. Our sore trigger points are the only ones that get under our skin, anything else is water off a duck’s back.

Breaking our themes frees us up to live more interesting lives with fewer limiting patterns. It also allows us to love more deeply, especially loving ourselves.

Not having our entitlements met

I think I have found the root of all (first world) suffering. OK, so the Buddhists got there before me. However, I don’t care, prepare the fanfare…

da da da daaaaa!!!

It’s our belief in our needs needing to be met, or if I put it another way, it’s our belief that our entitlements should be met.

Driving down the motorway, I jump from 0 to 60 in my emotions as I’m confronted by the middle lane driver. Middle lane drivers believe it’s the safest part of the road, despite the fact that it’s illegal to sit there. Fat car backside sticking up the V-sign because it’s doing 69, which means I have to overtake it in the outside lane thus, breaking the speed limit. Entitlement!

OK, perhaps not the best example. Yet, I have noticed a growing trend in people believing that their needs are someone else’s problem. The middle lane driver doesn’t care that other people are put out by their driving style. Perhaps this is more a case for the spiritual community, where people are adopting ‘self-care’, which I totally believe in, and confusing it with ‘having your needs met’ by others. It could be from their relationship, their boss at work, or their friends and family.

If we switched out the word ‘needs’ and changed it to ‘entitlements’ we might have a different view. The truth is ­– not one of us is entitled to have our needs met by someone else. If through love they try to meet our needs, because they choose to, because they love us, that is what love is. Needs are a compromise, not a condition. Understanding this will take away a lot of anger, heartache, disappointment and frustration from our everyday lives. No-one HAS to like you, it’s your job to be likable.

I had my car broken into and it was a good thing

You might have had what people call ‘messages from the universe’, also known as ‘another growth opportunity’. Well, I don’t know if you believe in signs, but I do. Even if we make situations fit into our belief structure, life just sometimes acts like a tarot card and points out stuff that perhaps we can’t see for ourselves.

My car got broken into and my satnav was stolen. I know, I shouldn’t have left it in the glove box!

Your intuition acts like a satnav. It won’t give you the end destination, it just gives you the next right move. When we want to feel safe, we want to know where we are going. It feels hard to take the next right move that exists outside of our comfort zone if we don’t think the reward for being brave will be there at the finish line.

Losing the satnav made me think about how I used to use maps. That started me thinking about a lot of the skills that I have learnt over the years that I don’t use anymore. I also realised that I know where most of the places are, even though I was plumbing them into the satnav without thinking. It dawned on me that I have grown, changed and learnt so much since the last time I took a look at myself.

When driving ourselves forward, it’s easy to miss our ever growing greatness, even in the small stuff, that adds to the big stuff. Don’t drive your life on auto pilot, chuck the satnav out of the window and enjoy the journey.

Fed up with personal transformation?

Ever wish you could just stop being aware of your personal transformation?

There was a point, perhaps before your first self-help book, or that conversation with a friend, or the TED talk, or the Opera show, where you were just happy as you were.

You didn’t know about egos or personal goals; you could find happiness in a cupcake, before you knew the harmful effects of sugar on the brain. When all you had to do was get a good job and go on a few holidays.

There is always another ‘growth opportunity', not just a problem you can have a moan and a sulk about. You have to be positive - sunny side up!

I know my Facebook page is tailored to like-minded thinkers, who post about personal transformation stuff. Yet, don’t you think it would just be nice to be like those other friends, who are just living rather than growing?

Growing is exhausting, because the thing about it is, you never stop, it’s never enough and it doesn’t lead to a resting place of happiness. No amount of spiritual growth will lead to a spiritual bypass of pain when a loved one dies, or a lack of shame when you feel you are failing.

Personal development sucks!

Yep, this is my last lifetime around folks, apart from the fact that I secretly hope it’s not! Because I would miss the sunlight on my face, the wind buzzing past my ears as I fly downhill on my bike. I would miss dog licks and flirting with baristas over lattes. I would miss dark clouds and rain that give way to rainbows. All of this still exists whilst I am putting the effort into being the best person I can be.

Personal development sucks!

You are always pushing through layer upon layer laid down in your childhood, conditioning, discovering, surrendering, until one day you reach a place where you learn that the only thing you had to do this whole time was accept.

Accept who you are. Accept who other people are. And accept that without the raindrops, we don’t get rainbows.

That everything, including you, has a meaning and at the same time, absolutely no meaning at all.

So stop trying so hard, and be more dog. Get yourself a few ear rubs, be happy to greet everyone with a wag and take each day as it comes.

Three ways to know you’re having a cosmic redirection

Everyone will experience this at some point in life. Something changes, the end of a job, the end of a relationship, you lose your mojo about what you thought was your dream. You find yourself free-falling. Something has ended and life will never be the same again.

The chances are it’s a good thing; the chances are it’s a cosmic redirection! What kind of spiritual waffle is that?

A cosmic redirection is when you have held on so tightly with your teeth to an idea that you stopped hearing your intuition. It could be an old dream, or a fear of letting something or someone go. It could be because you were stuck in a rut and didn’t notice you had stopped growing. Overwhelm could have shut off your inner guidance and then, from out of nowhere, something steps in and rocks your world. 

So, here are three ways you can know that this is happening to you, and it’s NOT just plain old Sod’s Law!

1 - Something ended, everyone’s rallying around you, yet secretly... you don’t care. You know you should care, and after all, the anger and fear has gone. You just don’t give a monkey’s stuff face.

2 - If you’re honest you have been living in la la land and not in a good way. You’ve been delusional and dreamlike and now this has happened, you’re fully awake. 

3 - Everything is empty, almost meaningless. You may become ill, with sweating, being sick, runny bum, in fact anything that is a ‘purging’ of sorts. You also yawn those jaw-breaking yawns, too.

Try to be ok with the blank canvas. Something is coming, you just have to be willing to let go of everything you thought was important in order to be free for what may emerge.

Come and speak to me, when you find your feet again.

When one side of your body doesn’t match the other

We are all a bit wonky! No-one is symmetrical. Many of us have scoliosis, which is a curve in the spine that isn’t conducive to natural comfort and standing fully straight! However, a few people have found that one side of their body is weaker or just simply feels weird!

I discovered this when a client came to see me about ten years ago with this problem. She had been to see chiropractors, osteopaths and doctors. No one could understand why one side of her body was fine and the other was just not thriving. She wanted me to tune in intuitively to see what was going on.

Since then, I have had a number of clients with this problem. The last one was this week. It is unusual, but I’m guessing many people have this problem. It seems to be that when you are forced into working creatively when you’re more academic, or working academically when you’re more creative, the opposite side of the body to the predominant brain hemisphere being used gets out of balance. It’s an energy imbalance.

I’m not saying I fully understand this, yet I have found that a simple bit of energy adjustment fixes the problem. The client I had this week tested the change after the adjustment by doing the ‘plank’ pose, something she had been trying to do in yoga classes and hadn’t been able to.

I’ve written this blog for people who are experiencing this, that might type into a search engine looking for answers. Know that you are not alone. The cause may be individual to you, so pop me an email becky@beckywalsh.com and I’ll do what I can to help.

The female entrepreneur perfection t(c)rap

If you’re a woman running a business, you might have been to a few all-women networking events. In fact, there are also quite a few ways in which female entrepreneurs are being supported online, too. It’s great that women are supporting women. Let’s face it, most the time we support the struggling woman as it makes us feel good about ourselves, rather than sneer at the woman on top as it makes us feel bad about ourselves. However, times have moved on from housewives’ Tupperware parties thank goodness, although they have manifested into skin care products. ‘Women moving out from under their husbands’ is not why most women run a business, it's far more than seeking independence!

I’ve always been a bit shy of these networking events, and I think I have worked out why. Running your own business is stressful. There are highs and lows, and no one to ask and no one to blame but yourself when things go wrong. These networking things should work as an antidote to loneliness, where people can give you supportive feedback. Yet, they can leave you feeling more lonely and inadequate. I have felt like I’m at a 1950s school fair where my perfect fairy cakes are a little flat in the middle. I’m not in the 1950s. I don’t need to have a perfect lawn and a white picket fence; however, I do feel that I need perfect nails, accessories, a nice hand bag and to be living a riot in my free-range hen lifestyle with champagne every Friday to honour a week full of new clients.

There is still so much pressure, from women on women, to be seen to be getting it right, and when you do make it perfect, you will be slammed for it even more. Female entrepreneurs seem to have to be successful, beautiful, eat well and take great care of themselves.

Well, I’m here to let you off.

Balance in business is a myth; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. Embrace your hairy legs and broken nails. Your job is to be the best you can be for your clients and customers. We talk about ‘raising your game’, I’d like to call it ‘raising your vibe’. Fear is a low vibe and love is a high vibe. Your job is to be the closest to love you can be. It’s not sustainable to be in that enlightened state of being all the time. Rate your success by how you can move into a loving, laughing, empathic optimism for your clients. I get that we want to be inspirational and role models. My role models are women who are authentic, not perfect. If you pay more attention to your feelings over facts, they will be a better guide to your success than anything else.

A common mistake people make about intuition

If you were to look back on your life, with a magic wand in hand, would you change any of your past mistakes? Being a sci-fi fan, of course, I would worry about the ripples in space and time! However, I wouldn’t change anything for another reason, my muff-ups made me who I am. Yet, when it comes to wanting to follow your intuition, many people want to use intuition to follow the ‘right’ path.

It is commonly believed that intuition is a way to avoid pain. It’s not a case of avoiding the ‘wrong’ decisions, because we learn from the wrong decisions. In fact, sometimes your intuition will guide you towards situations that DON’T work out! These situations become inoculations in our lives. They grow our emotional resilience and strength, they allow us to let go of something that is maybe holding us back, or learn something that will drive us forward. When you realise this it shifts your perspective on the idea of a ‘wrong’ decision. You realise that there isn’t a wrong decision, just learning, growing and resilience curves. That’s if you have the luxury to view them in that way. This sounds like it’s making the ‘best of things’. Yet it’s more than that, it’s about finding a growth solution from every situation. Often that takes a large lump of hindsight!

People ask me all the time, what is the right decision or what am I meant to be doing? As if there is some guidance outside of them that has a plan for them. Often this is called ‘The universe’. It would be a pretty hard consciousness if its job was to have a plan for you, and your job was to try to spend your life working out what that plan is. I believe in free will, and if it is a ‘friendly’ universe, which I believe it is, it is supportive not directive.

In all of this, if you want to follow your intuition you have to have one belief. It is vital that you can trust yourself. Trust WILL find a solution, for every single ‘wrong’ decision. That will make you a match for your dreams.

Live life in 2017 with your intuition navigation on!

If 2016 taught us anything, it taught us to always expect the unexpected! How can we do that? With your intuition!

Never ignore a bad feeling in your belly. Put it down to your imagination at your peril. Often what stops people acting on their intuition is a fear of looking stupid and a fear of insulting other people. It's often hard to say no, when you can't justify why not. Hind sight is 20/20, best not to need to use it. 

Excited feelings about new directions are worth a follow. For example, as you’re driving past a road and you get a pull from your chest to turn. I’ve found many a good short cut that way. Those impulses also happen with life opportunities. Jump into yes, before your brain clicks in with reasons not to. 

Curiosity is the key to intuition. It opens the information and makes it clearer.

If you do get a bad feeling, become curious as you’ll open your intuition and know if it’s a real warning or just your fear talking!

Happy 2017! Let this be your year! 

The joy of cracking wide open

The joy of cracking wide open

We live in a Snapchat, coffee catch-up culture. Often we don't get down and deep into the conversations that matter. Yet, when you do there's a joy in cracking wide open and revealing who we really are. 

Not only is it so bonding when it comes to relationships and friendships, conversations can also become the joiner of the dots in our thoughts. They allow us to put the random meanderings of the brain into some sense and order. In doing so we discover the bigger picture of ourselves. When you find a friend you can share a deep conversation with you ground yourself. I think this can be such a strong anchor when you get pushed sideways by life. 

In our busy lives, try hard to find chatting time with friends that can last a few hours. Even over a bottle of wine. That 'cracking wide open' only takes place with time. It's the difference between having surface level friendships and those that last a life time. Bonded in truth and love. 

Why your intuition is needed online.

During the US election campaign, a lot of misinformation was posted on the internet and propagated on social media. Much of this was click baiting, if you clicked onto it to see what it was about the site would get revenue from advertising. The big problem with the propagation (sharing) of lies is the emotional fear created that goes along with it. Plus, the added problem of reaching a state of what psychologists call ‘ambivalence’, or what I would call ‘losing the will to live’. Which is a funny old saying, until you think about those words in a mental health context. 

I’ll say this until I’m blue in the face, and I even wrote a book with the same title, ‘YOU DO KNOW’. Not in a future prediction ‘I saw Donald Trump coming’ kind of way. But you CAN read people and situations, and even BS blog posts, with your intuition. YOU can discern, in a world that tries to manipulate you with fear, what you need to stand up for and what you can let pass by. 

Now, more than ever, you need to know that you can trust yourself. Because the world’s a scary place only when YOU don’t know how to navigate trust. YOUR intuition will tell you correctly, who to open your heart to and who is too far up their own brain cells to be worth your time. OK, rant face out xx 

Political passion and overcoming fear

The first thing I want to say is we need to calm down, and no I'm not following that with and carry on or and drink gin... a lot of gin! But all this freak out posting isn't doing you, or other people more emotionally vulnerable any good. 
So here's the thing, if 2016 has been about anything it's been about letting go. We have had to let go of some of our greatest artists and thinkers and here we are again being invited to let go of our expectations.

If there was one thing that I could say causes more human suffering than anything else, it's when the human mind has an expectation that doesn't get met. Because then fear sets in, the realisation we have only a limited amount of perceived control. But rather than let go, it often means we grab hold harder. On a personal level, that's when bitter disappointment sets your face to look like a trout in old age (if it doesn't get you physically first) and that's when socially disagreements break out and globally that's wars.

Believe me, I lived in America, I'm hurting for all the people who see this vote as a front against them personally. As my European friends and family did with brexit. I'm also hurting because I'm a woman and his pussy grabbing comments made me furious. 
But the faster you can drop it, let go and find hope the more YOU will be what sets the world on the right track.

Change is happening. We talked about a shift of consciousness in 2012, well that was the start. We are in it now and the world is becoming unrecognisable. But if you keep choosing love and unity over fear you will be the teachers of a greater up rising. Because what was invisible to most people is becoming visible, and those who were talking about it for years were thought to have been drinking the crazy juice. But now with more transparency than ever before, we get to not just choose hope, but BE it.

Alan Moore — 'People shouldn't be afraid of their government. Governments should be afraid of their people.'

Let this be the last time fear gets the vote.

What changed in the last 10 years of seeing clients

When you look back over your life, either you see the tough stuff as the things you learnt from which made you who you are today, or you feel a victim of circumstance. This one perception will change your whole life.

When I first started working with clients, I would worry about them and the situations they were in. I used my intuition to answer questions about people around them. Even though I know that people don’t stay the same, but I like them, wanted to help them avoid pain. The same pain that has given me so much juice. I wouldn’t have been without those experiences, because they taught me to be awesome. I wish, however, that some of the ground-hog day experiences hadn’t gone on for so long, or happened so many times in my own life. Looking back, you get a ‘face-palm’ moment after your realisation. That’s how I help people. I help people to realise that it’s what they are doing that is causing the world’s reaction to them. 

I can use my skills in intuition to hand out fish, or teach someone to fish. 

So here’s what I mean. All the problems have a theme. Like all symptoms have a disease. Cure the disease and all the symptoms are gone. 

Symptoms are the questions clients ask me. What I’m listening for is the reason, psychologically, these symptoms exist. For example, if your limiting belief is around trust, you’ll be asking me what the people at work think of you. Now, if I can tell you something, even plant a seed that will grow to change that limiting belief, it will change your whole life. But, if I deal with the symptoms, nothing changes. Great for me, as clients keep coming back to see me to feel better.

But I want my clients to be healthy. So you can give a person a fish and they eat it and stay hungry, or you can teach them to fish and they never get hungry again. 

If I tell you that you can trust a certain guy or girl, or not trust a certain guy or girl that’s giving you a fish. Also, people change, really change. So what’s true today will change for tomorrow, and if I say trust him, and then he meets the woman of his dreams in a sports car, his circumstances will change his trajectory. My clients don’t get to make me responsible for their happiness. 

Teaching you to trust yourself – I’m teaching you how to fish. 

Now, I know some people don’t feel ready to fish. But I have to show them that they have all of the skills inside themselves. I have other clients that just use me to confirm their own intuition. Those people I can fish with. I can also flip them a fish, see them fry it, add their own sauce and make an awesome dinner of insight. You have to know which clients you can go deep with and the ones who will batter the fish and blame you because they got fat! It’s an art form.

My intuition isn’t just about seeing your life, but about how to deliver information for the best possible outcome of understanding and personal growth.

Being an author - Rubbing out the past, by writing it new.

Nonfiction books are bought for the information in them. Information that we hope will make our lives better. These books are bought to allow us to be educated and move on from a situation or problem. Self-help books are bought to give to friends and family we think it will benefit. In short we buy books to find a way around some kind of pain. This is often why the pain and the solution will be in the title of a self-help book such as: Feel the fear and do it anyway or Stuff work let’s play.

Books are bought to solve problems. So when thinking about the book you want to write you have to think about what isn’t working in the world. What is it that annoys or upsets you the most?

People often believe that you have to be an expert to write a book, but I believe you need to write the book you need to read. This is for two reasons, if you need to read it and can’t find it, there is a gap in the market. If the ones you found didn’t change anything you have a unique prospective and need to find answers. When we write from the voice of ‘expert’ there often is a lack of passion for the subject, or writing is voiced as if the reader is stupid.

If you’re writing, researching ideas and writing more, then there is a ‘sharing voice’ that pulls the reader in. They feel they are sharing the journey and as they do so evolving with you. The author becomes a guiding companion and not just an instructor.
Many authors for their first two books are joining dots together from other books they have read and making the subject matter their own and personal. By the third book not only have they learnt to write, but they have often found a unique point to give their growing readership.

The first two books might be a process in your own healing. By writing them you learn what you know, you grow and then you have a bigger realisation, through the very process of being an author. When we write we learn what it is that we know, therefore writing is a process of healing. Putting words on a page makes you clear about who you are, after all your ideas are in black and white. That might seem daunting, but we have to see that a process is at work through us for the betterment of mankind. Again we might think this is arrogant, but it’s often the most arrogant part of ourselves - our ego - that is calling our higher awareness arrogant.

Book that work the best are truthful, personal and sharing information. We know we don’t have all the answers but that the answers we have are worth sharing. We know this when we have told our friends our insights and they thank us for our wisdom when we think it’s common sense.

It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of the ‘little me’. ‘Who would listen to me?’ As an author what’s amazing is that the reader doesn’t know you and for them it’s not about you. So to be an author it can’t be about you. When you see yourself as the device for great healing, you start to feel that you must allow the book to emerge through you, as if you have been pregnant with it your whole life.
You are a channel for this book. You might like to see yourself as a lamp for enlightenment. The electricity is the deeper meaning for the book: God, Universal energy, Atman, or Muse whatever you wish. You are the lamp. The lamp needs a connection to source to be able to turn the light on. You must see yourself as being one with the source; you are the lamp and the electricity. Seeing something as bigger than you can carry you through your own difficulty. We all hit a point of ‘why am I doing this?’ because writing a book is a sacrifice.

You stand the best chance of completion or even starting when you have a mission for your book.

If you would like to work one to one with me, please send an email to: workwithme@beckywalsh.com

Slave to money

A thought dawned on me – I don't put myself first in my own life. That's quite likely true for most people, there are so many life demands. Most of the demands we respond to are a call for love. A call for love from other people such as family and friends. We know that if we don't answer that call then they will get hurt. The only time we really get hurt is when we feel the withdrawal of love.

The call for love is how we get love, not only from family and friends, but also within our work. We want to be seen as doing a good job and be rewarded.

These aren't the only ways in which we can't put ourselves first in our own life. The other way is when we put money first. For my whole life I thought I had to. In fact, I wanted to cheat it. I thought if I could earn or have enough money from a crazy pants lottery win, that I would become free. It's what we call financial freedom.

I heard spiritual teachers  talk about freeing yourself from being a slave to money. I thought that's fine for those rich people to talk about, but when you're trying to keep a flat over your head, it sucks to worry about money at the end of every month. So like everyone else who can't live on the side of a mountain and eat bean-curd, I put money first. Took jobs I didn't want, put up with crap from people, worked crazy hours, all thinking one day I would make it and be free.; 'The American dream'.

I was money’s bitch. The problem is that at the end of every money transaction is a person. 

When you need money you feel powerful towards other people and you can become everyone else's bitch. On top of that is the resentment of having to spend on stuff you don't want to and guilt when you buy stuff you do want. All the time advertising tells you to spend money to feel better about the whole thing. Money is an addiction when you put it before yourself. You may think it’s an act of survival, but I tell you this, I have had plenty of rich clients who resent paying bills and feel broke all the time. That feeling when you buy something for the first time is a big deal.

My family didn't have any money, so I was working weekends from the age of 13. But it was when I saved up and bought my 50cc motor bike that my relationship with money started to change. It bought me freedom. I have been chasing that hit in various ways ever since. But the drive is an addiction, not the root to freedom, and you learn this to be true when you put it before your wellbeing. Before time with your kids, before your health, before your vibrancy as a person.

The belief that stability or enough money will buy you your freedom is a lie. Freedom is a state of mind. 

The first course of correction is to be in control, of your money. Make sure your life is covered. Then in every decision ask yourself, does this light you up or feel like a drag? What feels heavy try and change. Hard if it’s your job, but at least find a way to shift your mindset about it.

Putting yourself first in your own life is liberating. It makes the world a better place for all.

Client bloopers - What’s gone wrong in a one-to- one

Making clients relax and feel they can trust you to open up is vitally important. I have tools -humour, empathy, but the most important is focus. I have to be focused and that means listening on multiple levels.

Before an appointment starts, I shift the level of consciousness that is my normal playing field. If you meditate you’ll know that state where you are aware of your thoughts, but you see your thoughts as if they are outside of you. Well, that’s the awareness state. So I just wanted to let you know that, before I share with you some stuff that has gone wrong in a consultation.

These are the consolation bloopers!

1 - This happened when my dog was much younger. I’m on the phone to a client who is emotional, when my dog got sick and systematically pooped, whilst looking right at me, in little drops all over the floor – like she was making the spots on a dalmatian. Nothing I could do, but watch!

2 - When I had my office downstairs at my home, a client turned up unexpectedly with her whole family. They were upstairs in my living room whilst I was downstairs with the client. I could hear the kids upstairs running around. As they left the Mum said ‘I love your new book’ ‘What new book?’ ‘The one you’re writing, I’ve been reading it over there on your computer!’ UGH! (I know, boundaries!) 

3 - Skype - Gets its own category. 

* Video Skype makes me travel sick if the person has the camera on anything other than a flat surface. 

* When the screen freezes on a funny face the client is making, but I can’t laugh or tell them about.

* I need to look away from people’s eyes to hear my intuition, so video is hard for that, when in person that’s normal. The ego always wants validation, so I can’t have ego on and intuition on, so I need to not look at the client’s reactions - I know, it’s weird and I look rude! 

I hate it when I get into a flow state. That’s when I give advice I learn from. Have you ever done that? Said something in a conversation to someone else you have thought ‘wow, that’s great, I needed to hear that?’ I do that all the time in sessions. That’s when you know you’re in a higher level of consciousness. But then the client says ‘what did you say, I missed that, Skype froze?’ That’s why I record sessions as it’s hard to go back and remember two seconds after you said something that came through you. 

In short, I don’t like video Skype, phone Skype is so much better!

4 - Finally - the moment a delivery comes to the door, but you can’t answer as you’re with a client, so you just hear the letter box as the white card is dropped through the door. 

Not too much goes wrong. It can’t be classed as a dangerous job, although I have had some very weird things happen. One client said to me ‘Why am I obsessed with your boobs?’ I told him it was because I was nurturing him and he wasn’t breast fed as a baby. He wasn’t and was amazed I could see that intuitively. I was just pleased for some eye contact! ;)

Do we have to understand how we work to be able to heal?

We think that to solve a problem we have to find a route out. A way through the problem. We analyse and we over think, and we spend time facing the wrong direction!

We can seek therapy to help us face the right direction. In my experience, when therapy is at its best, it builds trust and acceptance. It is a form of unconditional love. The relationship with the therapist and the client almost says, ‘bring me your darkest thoughts, your shame and your pain and I will hold the space and keep loving you with my attention, to let you know you are not alone and you are loved’. That’s where powerful healing takes place. For deep issues that make you feel you can never be loved, this is healing. But sometimes issues are just perceptions we have about ourselves that are untrue. Healing can come more quickly then, because at that point all we need is clarity to create a shift in perspective. 

There are things we don’t understand, gravity for example! There will always be things we can’t make sense of. Some of them are worth our time and some are in need of our acceptance. 

Our mind is so smart, instead of it wanting to work things out, it knows that the more we look for solutions the more we procrastinate against real change, not heading towards it.

Like peeling an onion, the inner workings of your mind change. Once you understand one layer of the self, a new layer will always come up to be fixed. It’s impossible to make yourself perfect by understanding yourself, you will just keep finding reasons why you can’t live your life to your fullest purpose and potential. You will only find reasons not to, you won’t be clearing blocks. What you think is wrong with you is really layers of protection. These layers of protection will invite you to fix them, so you spend your time doing that and not the scary stuff. I know we think that by going back into our childhood and finding the cause of the protection we will fix it with our adult mind. But often we just find an excuse not to change. 

You’d have to understand from the perceptions of a child. If my mum does ‘that face’ of disapproval, she won’t love me. So when I see that same face on someone else it gives me the fear of not being loved. If your mum doesn’t love you then it’s death! Well, that’s the fear anyway, because you can’t look after yourself. 

The ego wants you to look at what’s wrong with you so you won’t look at your amazing creative strengths, you won’t step into your power. The only way to fix what you think is wrong with you is to prove yourself wrong that there is something wrong! 

That means switching to focus on what lights you up and not what makes you heavy. Switching focus is about following the light. The more you follow the heavy stuff the more weight you give it in terms of importance and you end up pulling yourself along and having a lack of energy. The heavy stuff drops off without any effort when you follow the lighter stuff. Our brain loves fixing things. We are obsessed with the news and violent stuff because we get rewarded with that adrenaline rush, but life is brighter without so much drama. 

Finding the thing you love means you will override your fear, because it’s more important. 

It’s like an engine. The engine isn’t running so we decide to take it apart to work out what’s wrong with it. We take each bit and look at it, we put it back together, and still have a screw in our hand. So we take it all apart again to find out where the loose screw is from and put it back. But the engine still doesn’t work. If it stays like that then it will start to seize and get really stuck. Of course, if you had a destination in mind, somewhere you wanted to go in the car, some dream to follow, you might have thought about starting the car!!! Often the reason the engine isn’t running is because it isn’t turned on. When we as people get turned onto an idea, we don’t spend time analysing why we’re not moving. We just move! 

You can’t start a car without a journey; if you want to have a journey you need a destination. 

Often the thing to do in your life to instigate change is to be a Sunday driver. Just get in the car and drive along at 20 miles per hour just because you want to take a drive to look at the country. You just want to see some trees, because that would light you up. That can be enough to get you out of your head and into the world so you can be inspired. Following what lights you up isn’t about making some grand commitment and quitting your job. It can be about the small stuff, the Sunday drive, the openness to new ideas and the very possibility that you might be wrong about all the things you think you are that hold you back.