One of the many things that keep a girl single is the incapacity to be open; I post this towards women as this is more true of women than men. When I say be open, I don’t mean being open about your past or honest about your feelings. Open is a hard one to describe as it’s so very personal. The truth is you are already open and loving; you may just have blocks up to allowing your true self to flow. So it might be easier to talk about the feeling of being shut down, as shut down is kind of universal. We all know the feeling when we make a joke and no-one laughs or when you’re not heard, or when someone takes the piss out of you. We all know when we feel less then who we really are. In order to stop the bad feeling of being shut down, we protect ourselves, by not being open. You might protect yourself more by acting cold or hard yourself. You might even dish out the thing that you are protecting yourself from. Often true of bullies in the school playground, they are scared of being bullied so they do it first to stop it happening to them.
To whatever level you are closed to being open, you won’t know it. You might think your being open, you tell people all about yourself, and then are shocked when no-one supports you. You can’t understand why you’re single when you are such a loving person. You don’t know why you are over looked on the party invite. All of these things happen to people who are closed.
You will know the level to which you are closed, by how lonely you feel. No-one talks about loneliness, because it’s only the closed who are lonely. This isn’t about being alone, you can be lonely in a relationship when the relationship is closed, and that’s one of the worst feelings ever.
When I spot this in a client, and talk about opening up, often I get a strong reaction. There is so much fear around being too open, getting used, not protecting, being vulnerable. Often they tell me of a catalogue of times they were open and got hurt. Sometimes we think we are being open, but we deliberately choose the wrong people to be open with. Setting ourselves up to get hurt to get more evidence that being open is bad. The ego doesn't want you to be open, as it’s really hard to be open and not see love everywhere. It means we attract love to and interestingly we don’t come across what we need to protect ourselves from as much open as we do closed.
If your lonely make one decision, to be open to possibility, then follow your intuition on every new opportunity you are given. It’s one of the ways I changed my life, from being a shivering Chiwawa to adventure hound.
I’d also like to invite you to the following visualisation. Get some headphones, skip the annoying youtube add, close your eyes and listen to this song. Whist you do imagine that all of the beautiful and amazing parts of yourself you close down in order to protect yourself, all coming back into your heart.
Enjoy, I’d love your comments on this and please share. It would be great to bring more open hearts into the world.