Real, raw, naked, vulnerable, powerful, integral, game changing honesty is never natural. It’s not something that flows off the tongue in a ‘that’s the way I feel deal with it’ way. In order to be that honest, we have to step up into an outer place or down into an inner place. In our normal place of communication, we would much rather skim over, side step or talk in metaphor then spit out the truth!
When we step up, it’s like an intake of breath; we brace ourselves and step into a more powerful place. We then deliver what we need to say almost as a well-rehearsed speech that often comes out a little too fast. These truths are often the painful ones, ‘I don’t love you anymore’…‘I’m leaving you’. These step up truths are often the ones we don’t want a conversation after. The flight or fight kicks in, the say it and run.
The truth where we have to step into an inner place is like taking an exhaled breath. It’s the truth you have had bottled up inside of you and to say it will feel like a huge relief. Such as ‘I love you’ or guilty feelings that you have been holding onto for a long time knowing that this person will witness or forgive you.
These two places are anything but natural or even comfortable. It’s like going into a life transforming labour to give birth to an authentic self. No matter how uncomfortable, at some points in your life it has to be done other wise you might explode with your truth baby still living inside you!
As a therapist with a high level of intuition I see my clients dance with the intimidating idea of honesty. They wriggle in one direction to try to avoid getting to the point about how they truly feel. Yet intuition can guide you into asking the right questions and setting the right space for someone to be able to hear themselves clearly. Often when it comes to speaking the truth, it’s the first time we have really heard ourselves say it. We might have thought about it inside of our heads, but it is the clarity that comes with the vocalisation that is extremely powerful.
I personally remember ending a relationship I needed to end, but was scared to do so because I knew it would hurt my partner and destroy the lives we had built around one another. It was simple to carry on living the lie. At times I believed the lie of the relationship and at other times the need to leave was deafening. When I finally said it, I exploded the elephant in the room both of us had been aware of, and it was a relief I’d stepped up to that place for both of us.
Most recently I had to say something personal, and it was like playing ‘fluffy bunny’s’ with a mouthful of marshmallows. I get couldn’t get the words out. It wasn't until I let go and dropped into an inner place and let go of the need for formalised expression. I could just talk until I made sense of my feelings.
Because real honesty isn’t natural, many of us don’t do it because ‘it doesn’t feel right’. Yet the greatest personal growth can only be achieved from a place of authentic honesty. Honesty is by far the best reason to step outside of your comfort zone and embrace the real you.