Do we have to understand how we work to be able to heal?

We think that to solve a problem we have to find a route out. A way through the problem. We analyse and we over think, and we spend time facing the wrong direction!

We can seek therapy to help us face the right direction. In my experience, when therapy is at its best, it builds trust and acceptance. It is a form of unconditional love. The relationship with the therapist and the client almost says, ‘bring me your darkest thoughts, your shame and your pain and I will hold the space and keep loving you with my attention, to let you know you are not alone and you are loved’. That’s where powerful healing takes place. For deep issues that make you feel you can never be loved, this is healing. But sometimes issues are just perceptions we have about ourselves that are untrue. Healing can come more quickly then, because at that point all we need is clarity to create a shift in perspective. 

There are things we don’t understand, gravity for example! There will always be things we can’t make sense of. Some of them are worth our time and some are in need of our acceptance. 

Our mind is so smart, instead of it wanting to work things out, it knows that the more we look for solutions the more we procrastinate against real change, not heading towards it.

Like peeling an onion, the inner workings of your mind change. Once you understand one layer of the self, a new layer will always come up to be fixed. It’s impossible to make yourself perfect by understanding yourself, you will just keep finding reasons why you can’t live your life to your fullest purpose and potential. You will only find reasons not to, you won’t be clearing blocks. What you think is wrong with you is really layers of protection. These layers of protection will invite you to fix them, so you spend your time doing that and not the scary stuff. I know we think that by going back into our childhood and finding the cause of the protection we will fix it with our adult mind. But often we just find an excuse not to change. 

You’d have to understand from the perceptions of a child. If my mum does ‘that face’ of disapproval, she won’t love me. So when I see that same face on someone else it gives me the fear of not being loved. If your mum doesn’t love you then it’s death! Well, that’s the fear anyway, because you can’t look after yourself. 

The ego wants you to look at what’s wrong with you so you won’t look at your amazing creative strengths, you won’t step into your power. The only way to fix what you think is wrong with you is to prove yourself wrong that there is something wrong! 

That means switching to focus on what lights you up and not what makes you heavy. Switching focus is about following the light. The more you follow the heavy stuff the more weight you give it in terms of importance and you end up pulling yourself along and having a lack of energy. The heavy stuff drops off without any effort when you follow the lighter stuff. Our brain loves fixing things. We are obsessed with the news and violent stuff because we get rewarded with that adrenaline rush, but life is brighter without so much drama. 

Finding the thing you love means you will override your fear, because it’s more important. 

It’s like an engine. The engine isn’t running so we decide to take it apart to work out what’s wrong with it. We take each bit and look at it, we put it back together, and still have a screw in our hand. So we take it all apart again to find out where the loose screw is from and put it back. But the engine still doesn’t work. If it stays like that then it will start to seize and get really stuck. Of course, if you had a destination in mind, somewhere you wanted to go in the car, some dream to follow, you might have thought about starting the car!!! Often the reason the engine isn’t running is because it isn’t turned on. When we as people get turned onto an idea, we don’t spend time analysing why we’re not moving. We just move! 

You can’t start a car without a journey; if you want to have a journey you need a destination. 

Often the thing to do in your life to instigate change is to be a Sunday driver. Just get in the car and drive along at 20 miles per hour just because you want to take a drive to look at the country. You just want to see some trees, because that would light you up. That can be enough to get you out of your head and into the world so you can be inspired. Following what lights you up isn’t about making some grand commitment and quitting your job. It can be about the small stuff, the Sunday drive, the openness to new ideas and the very possibility that you might be wrong about all the things you think you are that hold you back.