Throughout my life I have been the seeker of experiences. I thought that the more I experienced, through travel, meeting people and doing some downright bizarre stuff, the more people I would connect with, as the more sides to myself I would have. Let me put it this way: imagine that every person is a light box. Each side of the box has its own light bulb. With every new experience we get a new side and a new light bulb. Some people describe this as being a rough diamond and as we go through life the sides of the diamond are smoothed into a sphere. I see it, as we’re a crystal constantly developing new sides with lights inside.
Depending on whom we are with, what we do or the circumstance we are in, we ignite different lights - so different sides of ourselves are seen.
I think this is why we feel fragmented when someone we love dies; the light pattern that came on in their company is unique. We rarely get to turn on the same formation again. The same thing happens when love becomes stale; it’s the slow turning off of all the parts of you that once fired up brightly in their company.
To love someone else is to love all of the parts of yourself you feel safe to be in their company. We even use the words ‘you light up my life’.
The more life experiences I had and travel I did the more I thought I would be able to connect my lights to others. That’s been true in part, but interestingly, the more lights you have the more you can feel alone. You miss what created those lights in the first place. You can’t be everywhere at once or connected to everyone you meet, no matter what Facebook says!
The more lights, the more a sense of fragmentation. You long to be in the company of people who get more of your lights.
We love lighting up, but we only turn them on if we believe they will be accepted and connect us to the person we are with.
All the spiritual teachings tell you to turn all your lights on no matter who's looking and don’t worry about who accepts you, burn brightly and fully as who you are. But the only reason you have these little lights is to connect to others. When two lights connect, they turn each other on and the connection itself becomes the energy for them to burn brightly. If you try and shine a light alone, it’s exhausting and can lead to burn out!
My job in my one to one sessions, is to help people replace their light bulbs, to dust the ones that have been off a long time (that burnt dust smell is bad!). I also screw them in more tightly, when people think they have a screw loose - sorry bulb loose!
So I guess my life experience has come in handy as all of the sides of me get to show up with all of the different clients I meet.
Deep down past all these different sides to us, no matter if you are a square in your experiences or a mirror ball of sides and lights, one thing is true for all: there is one light bulb inside all of us. It’s right in the heart of our venerability and our courage. We search to meet ‘the one’ who will turn that light bulb on for us.
We seek spiritual gurus, teachers, loving relationships or anyone who seems to have that inner light on. Some have it on in short bursts, perhaps on stage when singing, or maybe the Dalai Lama has it on all the time.
You can call it the God spark, the part of us that is oneness, our inner light our higher self.
My seeking of experiences has always been to find that light. We look for it in the outside world, as we believe others can turn it on, as can beauty and awe. We feel it. Some teachers say it can only be turned on by a journey inwards. Some people try to ignite it by trying to be perfect and have all their little lights on, only to beat themselves up about the dark bulbs.
When the lights are off we are closer to fear, when the lights are on we are closer to love.
Being in the company of those who light you up and burning brightly in doing work we love is what we live for. Seeking what will turn on that big light bulb in our soul is a spiritual calling. I’ve had that light turn on twice in my life, and I’ve always been trying to get back there ever since.
My hope for this world is in that inner light. That hope is the core of everything I do.