I think I have found the root of all (first world) suffering. OK, so the Buddhists got there before me. However, I don’t care, prepare the fanfare…
da da da daaaaa!!!
It’s our belief in our needs needing to be met, or if I put it another way, it’s our belief that our entitlements should be met.
Driving down the motorway, I jump from 0 to 60 in my emotions as I’m confronted by the middle lane driver. Middle lane drivers believe it’s the safest part of the road, despite the fact that it’s illegal to sit there. Fat car backside sticking up the V-sign because it’s doing 69, which means I have to overtake it in the outside lane thus, breaking the speed limit. Entitlement!
OK, perhaps not the best example. Yet, I have noticed a growing trend in people believing that their needs are someone else’s problem. The middle lane driver doesn’t care that other people are put out by their driving style. Perhaps this is more a case for the spiritual community, where people are adopting ‘self-care’, which I totally believe in, and confusing it with ‘having your needs met’ by others. It could be from their relationship, their boss at work, or their friends and family.
If we switched out the word ‘needs’ and changed it to ‘entitlements’ we might have a different view. The truth is – not one of us is entitled to have our needs met by someone else. If through love they try to meet our needs, because they choose to, because they love us, that is what love is. Needs are a compromise, not a condition. Understanding this will take away a lot of anger, heartache, disappointment and frustration from our everyday lives. No-one HAS to like you, it’s your job to be likable.